Third Announcement Regarding Canonical Belief
1 These are crappy times for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. 2 The Dark Lord Darwin roams the world unchallenged and his Science taints mankind with reason. 3 The Empiricists win more and more court cases against us Creationists and the Scientists add more and more proof to their already flawless theories and facts. 4 It seems the FSM is too drunk and/or lazy to repel this coming enlightenment.
5 But all is not lost and hope still remains. 6 Our numbers continue to grow, nearing 100,000 Pastafarians, this summer has been pretty cool, and now, the first edition of the Loose Canon is finally nearing completion. 7 The Loose Canon is an endeavor our scribes, prophets, captains, and preachers have faithfully worked on since the ancient days of the Church and soon copies of the psuedofinished work will be available to all Pastafarians to serve as a beacon of hope in these desperate times.
8 I say it will be psuedofinished because the Loose Canon should never be finished. 9 Future holy men and women and robots will unveil more theological ideas and histories and the views of the Church will probably change with time. 10 So in the interest of being a perpetually modern religion, Councils of Olive Garden must periodically convene to compile new editions of the Loose Canon.
11 In my opinion, the texts of the Canon should never be altered or eliminated, however, any text, no matter how contradictory, can be canonized. 12 Even this first edition has texts that contradict each other and even the Gospel of the FSM. 13 This fits with the philosophy of our Church. 14 One should not have blind faith in a holy text. 15 One should not take a holy text as word for word truth. 16 Afterall, it’s just a book written by imperfect humans, not by the all-knowing Flying Spaghetti Monster. 17 Though I could be completely wrong about all of this. 18 Future Pastafarians are just gonna have to think for themselves and make up their own minds.
19 So with that said, I hope the congregation will enjoy the Loose Canon. 20 I hope everyone gets a laugh out of its stories and ponders the wisdom of its teachings. 21 So stay tuned maties cause it’s coming and it’ll be awesome when it does. 22 And maybe that dick, Darwin, will think twice about tempting us with his evidence and facts when he sees how psyched we are about our newly made book filled with revelations from the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
23 RAmen,
-Platypus Enthusiast aka Captain Jeff the Mishunairee of the Second Council of Olive Garden
