The Revelations of Auntie Dee Dee

chapter I

¹My older little brother doesn’t have a soul. ²I’ve been saying that since the 1970′s… ³It’s an American conceit, ⁴based on the idea that the meat served with pasta could be more fairly divided among the diners. ⁵The meatballs are in a pan of sauce to the side of the main pasta and sauce, and added last. ⁶All on one plate, but NOT all in the same pot; added to the side. ⁷At that point, (after the 30 minutes) the interior temp should be about 165-170.

⁸What am I saying? ⁹My dogs don’t play nicely with each other!! ¹⁰Judeo-Christian never entered into it, ¹¹most of them would have been insulted by the suggestion. ¹²Copy it somehow, or make your own. ¹³Pay your workers what they’re worth. ¹⁴Not the minimum you can pay, but a freaking living wage. ¹⁵In the 60′s, idealists would say “come the revolution”. ¹⁶Too much more of this crap, and it may not be a joke. ¹⁷I heard someone say somewhere that God is omniscient, but chooses to be ignorant. ¹⁸The rest of it is “All Others Pay Cash”. ¹⁹All systems have finite resources.

²⁰All things pineapple are wonderful. ²¹My brother’s soul for example ²²(I bet him in poker once too much, so now it’s officially mine…²³god, that must have been thirty years ago). ²⁴The teeth wouldn’t bother me. ²⁵I’ve never heard of a truly original sin, and I know most of the verses of the Hedgehog Song ²⁶AND A Wizard’s Staff has a Knob on the End. ²⁷Bassoons are pretty necessary. ²⁸Hey, as long as you get to eat the Holy Meal, the form of the meat isn’t that big a deal. ²⁹(New toys!! Hee!)

³⁰And I want luggage made of sapient pearwood. ³¹No, I NEED luggage made of sapient pearwood. ³²Ah, well, maybe down a different split in the Trousers of Time. ³³I think my hard drive was wired in wrong, ³⁴and my RAM is dysfunctional. ³⁵Once installed it never goes away completely, ³⁶and it’s too easily hacked, with a self-replicating virus that trashes the whole system. ³⁷Profits do NOT drive innovation. ³⁸Government grants and university research drives innovation.

³⁹You see, I didn’t pay attention in science class, ⁴⁰and I’m afraid the stupid will rub off on me. I can see the concept growing as you work on it. ⁴¹If making judgments based on very incomplete information is what you choose to do, ⁴²that’s your business. ⁴³Going all huffy with me doesn’t prove a thing. ⁴⁴The full story was not given. ⁴⁵The choice of the mother was not discussed, ⁴⁶the information presented, was, in fact, incomplete. ⁴⁷You would omit the school Board persons of indiscriminant gender?

⁴⁸I want the shower curtain and the Pirate Devil Duckies. ⁴⁹Auntie Dee Dee hates lazy kitchen people. ⁵⁰Let’s see. ⁵¹ID in history. ⁵²Ballet in science class. ⁵³Spanish in math class. ⁵⁴Flower arranging in English. ⁵⁵Basketball in home ec. ⁵⁶Public speaking in botany. ⁵⁷History in music. ⁵⁸Math during gym. ⁵⁹That should cover it. ⁶⁰Put down the crayons and go to your room. ⁶¹There is lip service to democracy, but lip service only. ⁶²More when I quit throwing up.

chapter II

¹The overuse of punctuation was being discussed among the Faithful, ²And Auntie Dee Dee said unto one who chided her for use of “!!’s” on a regular basis:

³HA!! I’m the Admin, and I know where we keep the extra punctuation!!

⁴So there!!!~!!!

⁵I bought a box of “!!”’s on sale, so I’m being very generous with them.)

⁶Cerberus, being young and inquisitive, then inquired (as inquisitive people do):

⁷How much for each “!” is it? ⁸Can you buy other punctuation? ⁹And can you buy bulk cause I don’t want to get halfway through the post and realize ¹⁰that I’ve used all my commas. ¹¹That could make things bad. ¹²REAL bad.

¹³And Auntie Dee Dee said unto Cerberus

¹⁴The bulk punctuation is in the Moderator’s Klubhowse, ¹⁵behind the couch with the hole in the cushion, ¹⁶NOT the couch with the spring that bites yer butt. ¹⁷I’ve hidden it in a Twinkies box, ¹⁸and the case of “!!”’s is in the corner with a towel over it, ¹⁹doubling as a table. ²⁰It’s a BIG case of “!!”’s.

²¹I have a line on a case of “,” and “’” that they’ve quit using in some forums. ²²I’m going to trade them all the “u”’s that the Bushista’s don’t use anymore when they use the word buffoon. ²³Someone in their talking points misspelled it bafoon, and now they all do it. ²⁴(Sad, but true. That’s exactly what happened. ²⁵One little ‘Republiclone’ got it wrong, and there they went like the sheeple they’ve turned into.)

²⁶So, we’re good on “.” and : and “;” and the “?” box is almost 3/4 full as well.

²⁷If you see a shortage in any punctuation, let me know. Mr. Green

²⁸And kao, and then Sylvie replied thusly

²⁹kao, saying: I’m offended that you keep perfectly good punctuation stashed away in boxes and under towels fsm angry ³⁰Why not release them from their captivity and allow them to become part of something larger then themselves?

³¹It’s days like this in which I am glad to not be a punctuation mark.

³²And Sylvie replying: As the Bible clearly points out, man has dominion over punctuation, ³³and it is to be used as man sees fit. ³⁴Of course we have a responsibility to the plain dumb punctuation mark as well, ³⁵but it cannot become part of anything larger than itself ³⁶because punctuation has no culture or civilization of its own.

³⁷And Auntie Dee Dee Spaketh Unto Them all and said:

³⁸If I release the punctuation, it’ll just throw itself all over the forums willy-nilly. ³⁹I’m offended that you’d want all that perfectly good pun!!ctuation ⁴⁰to wander lost until it found a place to cling to, ⁴¹even if it be!came total!ly irratio()()al in where it went>>>>*. ⁴²Now some of it, wh^^^^ich was restin%%g nicely:;:has gott@@@@@@@@en loose and st!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arted running aroun——–d in this mes$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$age. ⁴³Most of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is spare o*****************dd pun##tuation ⁴⁴that sta%%%%ys with the huge b!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ox of !!s, not the co{{{mmas and p]]]]]eri&&&ods, ⁴⁵but the more es~~~~~ote““““ric stuff++++++.

⁴⁶Punct!!uation, left to it”"s self<><><> will wander around like \\\a lo!!!st ch^&$ild. ⁴⁷I’m giving it mo**re attenti%%on than usual, bec##ause the f!!orum!!!!s are gro!!ing so&^ fast. ⁴⁸It want”’s to be use!!!!d, and will st”art putting it”””””””””s self anywhere unless&&& you fo!!!llow the in$$&(structi!!!ons… ⁴⁹(Now the periods are getting jealous. I’m so glad punctuation won’t go into parentheses unless it’s put there.)

⁵⁰OK, I stopped and rounded that stuff up. ⁵¹Most!!!! of it is back in the boxes. ⁵²When the new shipmen!!!!ts come today, it’ll refill the bins. ⁵³Last night, with only the tiny bit we had left, I just gave a MOD some info about the spares!!!!. ⁵⁴(I’m going to go after those !!’s with a flyswatter if they don’t GET BACK IN THEIR BOX!!) ⁵⁵Nosy Parkers…hmmmmph!

⁵⁶That’s better. ⁵⁷We’ve had to add these huge bins to the Klubhowse for the punctuation usage around here, ⁵⁸and it was so low last night, I gave C-man the directions to the spares. ⁵⁹Bobby’s given us an open account at the punctuation store, ⁶⁰and I’m trying to cut deals for all the extras I can on the grey market. ⁶¹(It’s real punctuation, just getting piled up for some reason, so I get a good buy on it.) ⁶²Every penny helps, especially with the cost of Pixels going up again.

⁶³If we went to Auto-Refill our punctuation levels would be even more precarious than they are. ⁶⁴I monitor it 3 times a day, and keep a good supply on hand without overloading the bins. ⁶⁵(It gets jammed together and turns surly if there’s not enough room.) ⁶⁶They deliver 5 1/2 days a week, ⁶⁷so the early Saturday call for topping off the bins is key to having enough punctuation for the weekend. ⁶⁸The extras from unused stock are a bonus, you know. ⁶⁹Not every Admin keeps enough on hand, ⁷⁰so lots of people have stopped using it.

⁷¹That being said, there’s a guy from a motorcycle forum that’s wanting to trade apostrophes, colons and semi-colons ⁷²for random strings of ‘curse word’ punctuation and “####”’s. ⁷³Since the language usage here isn’t on the level to use many of the random strings, we have plenty to spare. ⁷⁴And I never put anything in the word filter, so the “####” level is very high.

⁷⁵I’m offended that someone would question my punctuation policies ⁷⁶without considering the ramifications of all that punctuation running loose. ⁷⁷NOBODY has ever run out of punctuation here, ⁷⁸and they never will. ⁷⁹Just don’t abuse the system, ⁸⁰and the punctuation is deliriously happy. ⁸¹The “{}”’s and “[]” were giggling about how nice it was here last night. ⁸²Bless their hearts, they’d been dumped into a bin with a lot of esoteric mathematical notation at the MIT site, ⁸³and the guy there hadn’t snapped to the concept that MIT folks on a non-academic forum actually spend most of their time giving porn links. ⁸⁴I bought the lot, and then sold most of the esoteric math stuff to Texas A&M. ⁸⁵ALL of it is much happier.

⁸⁶Setting punctuation free is like trying to convince a House Elf to not serve. ⁸⁷They’re bred to do one thing, and they don’t deal well without strict proper usage. ⁸⁸That, and providing them comfortable places near one another, is the kindest way to deal with them. ⁸⁹They’re not an evolved species, and probably never will be.

⁹⁰Thus endeth the Lesson on Punctuation.

⁹¹Praise be To His Noodly Name!!